Parapsychology Journalism: The People, The Theory, The Science, The Skeptics
My wife is psychic like me, and we’ve been married for twenty years. Our satisfaction with each other has grown and our relationship has changed and matured over time. It’s clear that we’re in it together for life. Consequently, I feel somewhat qualified to speak on this subject.
The main characteristic that sets psychic people apart is that the sensitivity and awareness are dialed up very high. This provides opportunities for both abject failure and long lasting success in relationships, and almost nothing in between. I haven’t seen anyone else crash and burn on the relationship front quite like psychic people. There are men who stay bachelors into their late forties, women who marry four or five times and of course one can always find a collection of weird “significant other” relationships. (By that I mean odd living arrangements and/or agreements.) Famous psychic Sylvia Browne has been married four times, so I guess she qualifies on this front.
On the other hand, when psychic people get it right, they have fantastic relationships for life. So why this huge dichotomy? Think of our emotional life as being this enormously acrobatic and versatile plane able to do the most fantastic stunts, however this ability comes at the cost of stability. It is a hard plane to control since it will never fly straight and level for more than a few yards at a time. Psychic people who treat their relationships like airliners, looking for cruise control and hoping to fly without incident find themselves constantly fighting the controls because the relationship simply will not stabilize. The second things start to settle down, something else changes and stability is lost again. Embrace the acrobatic nature of the plane however, and flight/relationship becomes a joy, soaring and swooping through the sky doing unbelievable things.
Our powerful emotional inner life means that we will be constantly growing and changing throughout our lives. Incidentally, that also means that our partners will be growing and changing throughout their lives as well. Changing and growing is seldom easy and more often than not irritating and uncomfortable. But this where we must not fight who we are. If we don’t embrace this need to grow and change we will be like the pilot of the acrobatic aircraft who constantly tries to fly straight and level. He can never relax or else the plane will be all over the sky. We suffer greatly when we try to control our lives like that.
Better to understand that the people we love will not always be the same and that we must constantly adjust to who they are becoming. In this way, we support them and they in turn, learn to support us in our growth.
Because we feel deeply, this means we love deeply, we care deeply and we go deeply out of our minds. Wait. What? Yes, it’s true. Here’s why: Research has shown that people in a heightened emotional state think differently and act differently than they normally would. Sometimes quite differently. And guess what? We get into heightened emotional states a lot more quickly, more intensely and and stay there for longer than most people. What that means is that we have to do one of two things: Either we learn to maintain our normal frame of mind while we have heightened emotions or we learn to wait until the emotions have passed before we make decisions. Neither one is easy and frankly I do a bit of both.
For example. When I am angry there are attitudes that my wife has that infuriate me to the point that I’m absolutely positive that our life together must be over and we should look into divorce. As soon as I cool off though, I find that I can tolerate this attitude and thinking about divorce seems insane. Overly dramatic? No. It’s just psychology. Our whole outlook changes with our emotions. Because I’m so sensitive, when I’m angry, I’m really angry, so my whole outlook shifts accordingly.
It’s not just during anger that this happens. It’s during any intense emotion and it happens to everyone. That’s why fights in relationships are seldom constructive, why romantic love fades with time and why we’ll agree to things during intense sexual excitement that we might not consider otherwise.
It’s why when someone criticizes or doubts us we have such a hard time handling it until later. We lose our regular frame of mind and our thinking gets scrambled. Then, when our emotions die down and our thinking clears again, we can finally think of all the brilliant arguments that escaped us at the time.
In my own relationship, I’ve found time and again that it’s important to respect this by refusing to either require decisions or make them during arguments. It’s too easy to get it wrong and things get worked out much better after we’ve calmed down. When we have a conflict, I do everything I can to reduce my wife’s stress. When I remember to I remind her that I love her, that I have her best interests at heart, that she’s my best friend and so on. She knows all this already of course, but when she’s upset she forgets. I also do something else: I give her the space to get her thoughts together. I try to see things from her side. This is key because it not only gives her room to think rationally, but allows her brain the opportunity to re-wire in the midst of strong emotions; a prime way to promote emotional growth.
And that emotional growth is a linchpin of long lasting romantic success for psychic people. To ensure success we must not only endure the changes in our partners and ourselves, but actively promote them. It has been hard for me to adjust as my wife increasingly focuses on her own needs instead of catering to me, and it has been hard for her to adjust as I increasing demand that she back off when she tries to micromanage my life. But these are changes that while uncomfortable in the short term, have long term payoffs.
The less my wife caters to me, the less she has in her life to resent and easier it is for her to be genuinely warm towards me. The more assertive I become towards her, the better I do financially. There are rewards for emotional growth, even if they don’t show up right away.
As psychic people, these things I’ve described are within your grasp as well. Should we hold too tightly to control we will doom ourselves to endless unhappiness and depression in this area of our lives but it doesn’t have to be that way. We have enormous presence when we decide to use it and this can be instrumental in helping us develop extremely rewarding romantic relationships. The choice is ours.