The Weiler Psi

Parapsychology Journalism: The People, The Theory, The Science, The Skeptics

As Much as I Hate Doing It, I Admit That I’m Really Different


It is hard to give up acting normal, but I have seen that this is more or less my path success and long term happiness. I have to start owning up to the fact that I am “out there.” It’s not easy; I have a lot of fear surrounding being thought to be weird or different. But that’s really who I am and it’s become increasingly obvious to me lately that I can no longer just skate around the edges as I have been doing.

For instance, we had an elderly cat a few months ago that was going downhill in a hurry. We finally took her to the vet and had her X-rayed. When I was shown what was wrong with her I knew it was time to put her down. I called my wife and she left where she was working and met me at the vet. The cat was heavily drugged already and it went quickly. She died peacefully. My wife went back to work and I took her home. I had already dug her grave and she only needed to be put in it.

But something held me back. I took the cat and walked around the yard with her, cradling her and then sat down on the front door step. Something did not feel right. I cried some more and stroked her. At one point I looked down at her and realized that she was still there. Without really thinking about it I focused on her and told her she was dead and she had to go. I felt and kind of saw her lift out of her body and float away. After that, I could feel that the body in my hands was actually dead and I could now bury her. She had been so drugged that she hadn’t known that her life was over.

I know all of this defines me as weird, and there is more:

There are always beings around me, the sort with the unusual brightness that don’t have that human signature “feel” to them. I tend to think of them as Angels and I guess that will have to do as a name because nothing else comes close. People have a brightness around them that is directly related to their capacity for love, compassion and tolerance. These beings have so much of that brightness that they don’t feel human nor do I feel the usual personality that people have. It’s as if it is all washed out by the sheer intensity of the energy.

Their connection to me is definitely about healing, both mine and those whose lives I touch. They don’t talk to me. the information is mostly pictures, but mostly, they provide energy for healing in whatever form it happens to be needed. Because of this, I suck at psychic readings. The need to be involved in healing is fundamental to my personality to the degree that I feel like I’m sleepwalking through life when I am not involved in healing in some way. This whole blog in fact, is directed toward healing. Talking about, and sharing the feelings of pain that are unique to psychic people is important to me. It makes me a bit of an outlier even among psychic people.

I definitely have a gift for helping people cross over. A friend of mine had his wife die suddenly and while we were driving to the memorial service, his wife, who I had never met connected with me. She was a chatterbox and after a few moments I realized that she was nervous about her memorial. When I got there I saw why. She had been loved and the place was so packed with people remembering her that it was standing room only. I stayed connected to her, urging her on and she stayed for the entire service; then she was simply gone. It is a good feeling when that happens; I get the feeling that this is the way it is supposed to be.

I haven’t seen a lot of people on their way to dying, but those I have witnessed have a slow process of leaving their bodies with most of their presence hovering above their heads.

I have a feeling that I would be extremely good at getting rid of ghosts, although I have never tried that. I have always had the sense that they have no power over me and that I can affect them if it’s necessary. I was at a seance once as a young man and some creepy guy tried to use me as his medium; I gave him a couple of minutes and then simply brushed him off. The very strong healing energy that I have makes me a lousy medium because it seems to repel anyone who isn’t the object of healing and drowns most stuff out. Dead people don’t bother me.

This allows me to pretend I’m normal because I choose when to deal with this stuff. I make a habit of facing my fears with the help of my wife in the morning before we start our days as a pro-active way of dealing with the psychic stuff. Then I can go through my day acting like a normal person. Even that is changing though.

When I’m out in nature now, I feel the trees and on one of the hikes I take frequently, the trees in a certain area recognize me and know when I’m on the trail. I can feel them. It is finally time to embrace all of this and stop acting like it doesn’t exist.

This was a rambling post, I know. It’s because this is a very challenging area for me to deal with and when I access that part of me, I have to leave the logical part of me on the backburner and this tends to create a stream of consciousness in my writing. I have shared this for personal reasons and I also hope that it provides comfort to others. I tend to write very clinically most of the time and if you follow my blog at all, you need to know that in a way, I’m hiding behind it. It scares me to admit to the world that I am this way because I know how I’ll be perceived by some. (As a whackjob.) Still, it had to be done.

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24 comments on “As Much as I Hate Doing It, I Admit That I’m Really Different

  1. Anonymous
    June 1, 2016

    Interesting reading this i promised spirit over and over again i would trust and have much evidence but i like you was worried about being judged as different , also my father is schizophrenic and his illness was used as a weapon to control me by my mother that i could inherit it so i was slow to admit my psychic experiences evn tho i was woke when my daughters bedroom was on fire etc etc etc etc ,,, until the other day i was brushing a horse of mine and something clearly said to me that when my customers arrive there will be a conversation about a horse called winnie and that it wasn,t a message to pass on it was for myself to give me one final piece of direct evidence and so my customers came and yes after a short time there was a conversation about a horse called winnie and how it looked like the one i had been brushing their horse winnie died three months ago ,,as the conversation was happening the same spirit said to me see there you go how much more evidence do you need haha and i have noticed i have seemed mless concerned about what others think over the time leading to that day so here goes … i have been staying safe using it to train and communicate with horses but coming out of the closet now as i would feel someones judgement and clam up before Thankyou Craig i only stumbled accross this kind regards Hayley

  2. Kate
    November 8, 2014

    Thank you for your honesty Craig. My friend just sent me the link to read your article as I was talking about feeling like a misfit yesterday, yet I try and put a mask of normality on. On the outside I seem like I have it all together yet in recent months my sense of needing validation from every single person around me has dwindled and I’m coming into my own sense of authentic self. In doing so, I’m feeling so sensitive and upset by the trance different facets of society are in and I’m powerless to force my reality of what I see is ‘the truth’ on people.I gave up meditation circle last year, I don’t know why. I feel alone even when I’m with friends, family, work colleagues. I can’t explain it but we can chat and I can laugh but it’s about surface stuff and it doesn’t connect deep down, to my soul. Yet when I find the rare chance to talk to someone who sees the world like me….who sees the faces on rocks in the dessert, who believes it’s right to ask the nature spirits if it’s ok to take a walk through their land when going on a trek, who understands that a respect for the land, the plants and trees and ancestors of that area is necessary and that respect will be given back, I feel connected again and I can be around friends, family & aquaintences talking about surface stuff but not feel so alone. So thank you. I just cryed, I don’t really know why, I guess I related a lot to what you wrote. I should get back to meditation soon, I can’t hide or write off the synchronicities and intuitive hunches that keep happening anymore. Kate 😊

    • craigweiler
      November 8, 2014

      Thanks for your comment. I understand and relate to what you’re saying.

      We have to take the connection with other people where and when we can get it and it isn’t always in the form we would prefer.

  3. Rose
    October 1, 2013

    This is, very slowly, what I am now on the path to doing… admitting to others, as I admit to myself, as well as accept the fact that I am, truly, different… so that I can finally move on with my life and do what I am meant to do with it now. Thank you, again, for sharing.

  4. Shandra
    September 21, 2013

    Hi, I’m new to your blog and have found it to be very comforting, helpful, and reassuring. I am a 26 year old woman, I study anthropology in school and I live in Utah which is an extremely conservative, religious environment. I work with a healer that I was introduced to at age 17, she and I didn’t see one another for years however, until about a year ago when I sought her out after an incredible abusive relationship. I was pushed and pulled (by what i now recognize as my guides and angels) into trying hypnotherapy and it really helped me break open after imploding on myself.
    Just a little background: I was abused for most of my childhood and then about 3 years ago I found myself in a horrifically physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abusive relationship. I use the term ‘break open’ to describe the moment or general time surrounding the moment where I realized that I was desperately afraid of myself because I was very different from others. There is a lot more to this aspect of my story, just like with everyone else’s story. Basically, I was very oppressed for most of my life and it took falling completely apart for me to have nothing to lose and to open up to all possibilities.
    After I began healing with hypnosis and then I started seeing my spiritual mentor again (very powerful woman, medium, energy healer, Native American Medicine woman, high priestess, amd the list goes on), I began a process of realizing that I am extremely psychic. I am in denial much of the time because a lot of information I receive is about people, people i meet, anyone I take the time to look at. It’s usually information that would be very personal to them and so I keep it to myself (I’ve asked a few people random questions about past events and they confirm that im right but then it gets awkward). Again, I live in Utah where people are NOT accepting in general of anyone that isn’t LDS…that being said I happen to be the confrontational, very strong-willed type of sensitive person and I have been more open with people in my environment than many others would maybe dare to be and my main point in writing all of this is just to say that you should not always think that others will think you’re crazy. That’s mapping them and you may only attract people to you who think the thoughts you project. I’ve found it very helpful to learn about the law of attraction and as much as possible about the universe. It really helps when you have spirits talking to you, to understand where they are coming from. I would also suggest Wiccan teachings for study because they teach a great deal about energy and the universe, nature…all sorts of things.
    Sorry so lengthy, I couldn’t help it, I don’t want anyone to underestimate the goodness in the world, continue to take chances and people will not think you’re crazy. You’ll attract more and more people to you that respect and want to know more. Thanks!!!!

  5. anon
    September 8, 2013

    Thank you for the healing that you do via your writing/blog.

  6. Natalie Howie
    August 28, 2013

    wow I can relate to the cat part of the post I could understand my cat when it was time for him to go and he showed me what had happened when I passed my hands over his side for a look and at the vet he spoke to me, I just whish I’d passed on the message and forced them to see him sooner or I whish I’d told them what was wrong rather than being a coward and letting them work it out with their medical equipment. poor milo I wish i’d done that better for him but if I had spoken up I wouldn’t have wanted to be carted away and locked up for being mad. mmmmmm. gaaaaa. moral minefield.

    • Natalie Howie
      August 28, 2013

      ahhh how interesting about the trees!! when I was younger I always wanted to communicate with trees and plants. That is probably why I took horticulture for two years at college. ahhh I’ve always been suspicious about the trees, that’s something I’d defiantly like to practice and improve on. mmmmmm I did used to think to them, but then wondered I was going crazy so stopped hehe. maybe I’m normal after all!!

  7. Anonymous
    September 17, 2012

    @ Sandra, there hasn’t been a reader who did not know of my ability. The more you do not face it & use it the more problems, you inadvertently create for yourself. Use it to help others & you will receive tenfold. πŸ™‚

  8. Sandra
    April 11, 2012

    Hi Craig, I hope you have enjoyed Easter break. It was so uplifting to see you’d responded and a wee smilie face (I’m a technophobe) dont know how to do such things…I wont lie, I just had to look back to this page to see.!

    Im at odds with myself…can you advise me please?…I still don’t believe in my sensitive/intuitive side, but it’s proven itself time and again…even saving my life after being beaten almost to death on Christmas eve 2003.
    I saw that comming, even though I was not in a violent relationship he had never shown potential for such hatred or violence and he had no criminal record.
    But yet again I told my best friend 2 days before it happened…
    (he had spiked me with rohipknol and beat my unconscious body- stabbed-strangled and beat me with a metal bar fo 4 hours then tried without sucsess to set the bed alight to destroy the evidence…and Me..! )
    …..that ” I’ve hidden the large carving knives Ive just purchased.”
    It sounded weird saying it aloud as I didn’t feel in danger at the time…but i had said it to her as a kind of blurt out..almost as proof that I felt a sence of deep foreboding..and almost…please, re assure me I’m right?! But I don’t know why?
    She said “has he hit you or thetened you?” I said ” NO, not even a heated row..!” she replied “Why did you hide the knives?”… I said ” I don’t know “.
    but as it was almost Chrismas Eve and I didn’t have the heart to go with ‘just a hunch’ that so near Christmas I would throw him out after only 4 months of non eventfull dating ..(he had been made redundant and had to leave his apartment so I’d only just let him temporarily move in!) and my heart couldn’t render him homeless 2 days before Christmas on just a ‘gut feeling’.

    I awoke with him hitting my face with a bar..but last thing I could remember was driving home from my Bar job with him in the passenger seat. Next thing, I was deeply unconscious and confused …( i herd wake up,GET UP…but it was not his voice, he seemed startled that suddenly i was alive-awake and lucid ) but this voice that when I’d sat up and said aloud out of my unconscious mouth ” ENOUGH Thats enough” felt and didnt sound like me, I felt no pain. I was freaked out …. Because, Last thing I could remember I was driving home and felt woozy so I pulled the car over ( I was sober ) Now I was waking up covered in blood and spitting out my teeth…!

    Somehow, I found strength with multiple breaks/ fractures and loss of blood to get down the stairs…he Cought up with me as he turned off the bath tap, ( he was running a bath to drown me in) he had herd my stumbling fall to open the front door… “He said im gonna drag you in and finish you off.”… I knew my body was gonna pass out so time was limited and with literally a few carfully chosen words I had no strenght to cry or sceam but somehow managed to talk him into calling an ambulance or I would die..! Then I passed out..!
    I spent 12 days in hospital.
    I have been told by the last reader (4 years ago) that I’ve missed my life path 7 times? Is there such a thing? What dose that mean? I have only seen 4 readers my life, the last one said i have some gift but dont have courage to sharpen it and listen..How do I become stronger and listen and more importantly be more self confident to trust and act on my intuition.
    I am frightened because I get feelings that i will make situations worse and i just want to run away..or i feel struck dumb with indecision.
    Sorry Craig, not wanting to bum you out..i just felt if you had the full story you could help me understand what to do from here on in…btw nor am in need of sympathy or pity.. I see this bad experience like i would if I’d have got run down…somtimes Sh!t happens..!
    But how do I train my rational and intuitive self to co-exist and not live in fear of getting it wrong?
    Again I’m so glad to have your Blog to read and I’m going to the 5 point protection spell after this..! πŸ˜‰ Sandra.
    Thank you.

    • craigweiler
      April 12, 2012

      Hi Sandra,
      I read your comment and it is a lot to take in. Unfortunately, I am very busy at the moment and I don’t have time for much more than a quick message here or there. And the question you’re asking requires such a thorough reply! All I can give you at the moment is this: my experience is that I have to go into my fear to go through it and come out the other side. Pushing my fear away doesn’t work. It seems to help in reducing my fear.

      • Sandra
        April 17, 2012

        Hi Craig, Thank you so much for taking the time to reply… I appreciate it immensely. You are right… The fear gets bigger the more I try to ignore it.. There is also a sense of pride and achievement once I tackle something that I’m afraid of head on..! :). Thanks once again.

    • Shandra
      September 21, 2013

      Sandra, if you’ll email me I know quite a bit and I would like to talk to you if you’d like also. Shandra25n@ gmail.com

  9. Sandra Da Silva
    March 31, 2012

    Hi, I have spent hours feeding on your many posts and they are truly healing. I was crying last night.. (Before i stumbled on your website ) and I dont sob like that often it herts to much to go to that raw place full of deep feeling. I have been ignoring my ‘other side’ for too long but it bites me on the Behind when I don’t listen.
    My home life needs to change drastically and I’ve been putting it off but things are reaching an inevitable climax. That doesn’t usually go well.
    I was ‘haunted by a ghost as a teen who would pace up and down the hall and in my room swaying from side to side….my best friend stayed the night and asked if my stepdad was up..? I was just releved it wasnt in my head..! After many anxious sleepless nights I spoke aloud and said ” I don’t think you mean to …but you are upsetting me..please don’t scare me..or Go!
    My heart was in my mouth as I was petrified it would be angry but it faded away and I got peace, so..
    I ask not to see ghosts as I’d freak out so they come to me in my sleep or I just ‘feel & hear’ something in like a sixth sense… It will bring them right to a thought that was completely left field…forcing me to reevaluate the moment, and feel..

    I would not believe it myself the occasion in point, but my best friend is again a whitness to this. it’s true…
    I had not been with my partner for 3 Years..(we were spiritual but at odds with this rawness so after 5 years of extreme emotions I ended the relationship but still had much love for him…). After 3 years and no subliminal stimuli to bring him in my consciousness… For 3 consecutive nights I dreamt of him.. Him Saying sorry, he couldn’t handle it.. He had to go..the last dream he was naked..but not in a sexual way we hugged and it was like peace.
    Weird..! . So I told my best friend. Two days later she phoned and said are you sitting down? I said “Why?….” she said “R*** has died suddenly last night” and at only 33yrs old! ( not an intentional death.. With friends partying, an acidental overdose he died in his sleep..! ).
    It affected me deeply..
    My friend and i both remembered the conversation and how he told me he was going.. Since then I’ve had four visits in my sleep and they are reassuring and calming to me. Like a visit from a loved one, But I don’t ask for them. Others, non relatives have come into my dream state with messages but I still can’t quite believe that it’s realy dead people?!
    Without R*** coming in to my dreams Before he passed and my saying out loud to my best friend “the last dream i had..it was like he was saying one last goodbye.. Naked! ” I would never believed it myself..!
    I have bookmarked your blogs to keep intoch with your healing and to nurture my inner self .
    Thank you Craig.

    • craigweiler
      April 1, 2012

      Sorry to be so slow to respond. I’ve seen all your comments and I thank you for them.

      It is a pleasure to be of service. πŸ™‚

  10. Robert
    May 10, 2011

    I don’t know if you will read this since this is a very old post but I wanted you to know that even still this post is healing others.

    I have known for a long time that I had psychic abilities and could communicate with those “angels” that surround me as well. But for the longest time I have just shut the door in my mind to these abilities and for good reason. Whenever I would open myself up and try to develop these skills i would constantly be overwhelmed by the dead, and to be honest it was frightening. So many of them coming and wanting help and me knowing so little about myself or how to use the abilities made this overwhelming and I just couldn’t handle it. So i built barriers in my mind to stop as much of this ability as I could. I suspect I am not alone in finding out that no matter how hard you try to resist these things, they have a way of breaking those barriers down.

    Well recently this has happened to me. The barriers came crashing down and an overwhelming sense (not to mention many many distinct dreams) came to me that It was time to stop running and start facing what I really was. Since then i’ve been trying to… figure things out and have been searching for someone to help me. Then i stumbled upon your blog and just happened to read this post. It was most helpful. it’s nice to know i’m not the only one who feels this way :

    “It is finally time to embrace all of this and stop acting like it doesn’t exist”

    Thank you

    • craigweiler
      May 10, 2011

      Thanks Robert,
      Wordpress notifies me anytime a new comment comes in and I have to approve it. (This prevents any brain dead bully skeptics from getting through.)

      If you’re feeling overwhelmed you can contact me at craig @ weiler . com (remove spaces) The dead don’t bother me and never have. They only come in with my explicit permission. It’s because I’m in my own head and in my own space and I’m not giving them room to come in and party. They can’t approach people who “shine” more than they do. I hope that helps.

    • Anonymous
      September 17, 2012

      your doing the correct thing, all you have to do is tell them to leave you alone, forcefully, they will.

      • sigrid2012
        May 26, 2013

        There are “ghost rules”. There was a person who contacted me who was having problems with ghosts. She followed the “ghost rules” and they never bothered her again.

  11. Lynn
    May 9, 2011

    Oh, my.. GOD!!
    I so hope you take the time to read my blog. I have so many questions and could use someone over looking and giving opnion who seems to be someone that ”gets it”…

    I was almost in tears reading this… Floods of my own memories coming back while I read what you wrote. It was actually a little bit of over flow, and had to stop reading a little. I will finish here in a bit. But you know, animal memories, family memories, the spirits… its all so much. Like I said, I hope you stop by my blog too…. whatiseestef.blogspot.com

    • craigweiler
      May 10, 2011

      I did read your blog and I tried to comment on it, but I seem to be running into a snag. It won’t let me comment with my google account.

  12. lauren
    September 26, 2010

    i saw my cat do the same thing! it was very very beautiful.

    and im also and excellent exorcist of sorts.. it seems we have similar talents

  13. Michelle
    March 23, 2009

    I completely and totally relate to this. In letting go of my old life as a closeted psychic and allowing myself to really put myself out there in this way terrifies me, but I know that this is who I am. I know that if I don’t exercise these “gifts” i’ve been given, I become physically ill. It’s been a slow process and it is not an easy path, but at least it’s an interesting one.

    I don’t always comment, but I read every blog you post and I really appreciate you being a voice for those of us who are not as eloquent. Thank you, Craig!

    • craigweiler
      March 25, 2009

      Thank you for sharing this with me. It means a lot to me that you are getting something out of it.

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