The Weiler Psi

Parapsychology Journalism: The People, The Theory, The Science, The Skeptics

The Fear of Being Different

I think that every psychic person knows what I’m talking about just by the title of this article. We are different, we were born that way and we can’t help it. If we were to tell people about the world that we really see, we would invite ridicule, so we say nothing, and in some cases, simply block that part of ourselves out so that we can just get along in life. I think that there are a lot of people out there who are more psychic than they think they are, but have unconsciously blocked it out so that they could fit in and have a more normal life. And there are others, like myself, for whom the ability is simply too strong to be able to do that.

I see this fear on people all the time when I broach the subject of psychic ability. It shows up as a shyness about the subject; people grow still and hesitant when opening up,  as if they were revealing some deep dark family secret you might find on “Desperate Housewives.”  I’ve even seen openly psychic people show a sort of fear in their eyes when they have to deal with people who might not be accepting.  I’ve grown accustomed the chronic edginess that I see in psychic people who seem to be expecting a verbal attack at any moment.

My own defense is my acting skill.  I play at being a blue collar guy or small businessman.  I fall back into conversations about politics or construction when I feel threatened.  I do this so well that I often don’t know that I’m doing it.  I simply become this persona.  I think that it is for this reason that I’m a pretty good actor.  I have lots of practice at it.  I have moments where I don’t know who I really am.  This irritates me and as a result I’ve become a very honest person.  I think that it’s hard to know the truth about yourself when your life is filled with little lies.

I have come to realize that adulthood is not inherently a cure for fears picked up in childhood. They stick to us with amazing tenacity. And the most intransigent of these is the fear of being different. At least it is for me. The influences of this fear in my life are widespread and insidious.   The fear of being different does not affect us emotionally, it carries over into the rest of our lives.  Success at relationships and work require that we know ourselves deeply, and this can be very difficult if we have an overriding need to conform.  I’ve struggled with this for several years now.  Success has come, but only very slowly.

The question arises occasionally, how did I get such a strong fear of being different? I certainly have no memory of it. I don’t specifically remember being pressured in this way by my parents. If anything, they were somewhat lenient with me.  For me, success seems to be connected to psychic ability.  (I have a hard time writing about this btw.)  I can feel that I’m somehow blocking information that I need about myself to be successful, and I’m also blocking psychic information about the world and and opportunities that are available to me.

I can remember flashes of moments as a child when I went to great lengths to tell myself that this stuff isn’t real and that I was making it up.  That’s the message I was getting from my parents and I believed it.  Now it all has to be undone.  As a result, I have no idea how much ability I have suppressed and how much I really have.  I have a feeling that it is stronger than I have previously believed.

I can’t help but wonder if much of this fear of being different is the result of being part of the collective consciousness.  Is is possible that the fears that I feel are not just my own, but are part of my culture?  And when I get past them, am I also lowering the entire cultural threshold to this fear?  Hmm.  Something to think about.  This is kind of along the same lines as the 100th monkey theory.

Because our reality is the product of consciousness, being afraid of being different has real consequences in how we see the world.  We’re more likely to view differences in other people as odd and unacceptable and we’ll tend to take the view that they must be changed to conform with our views.  Come to think of it, there’s a lot of that going around.  It’s particularly insidious because what we see reflects our viewpoint, which reinforces it.  We blank out on the things that disagree with what we’re perceiving to be reality.  On the extreme side of this of course, are the right wing nut jobs who cannot distinguish at all between their views and the actual reality of the world.

I think that the battle to allow ourselves to be different, must first begin with awareness.  We must acknowledge that the fear is there and it is affecting us.  From there, we can move to understanding how this is affecting our perception of the world and from there, change occurs naturally.  What we truly see in ourselves is by default changed.  It is only when we let it run undisturbed in the background, like a piece of malware on a computer, that it can really damage us.

By acknowledging the fear, we also face it, and in facing it, we diminish it.  As our fear of being different diminishes, we become happier and the world looks like a more friendly place to us.  We succeed a bit at a time and one day, we look up and realize that we fear this no longer.  We are then free to be who we really are.

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