The Weiler Psi

Parapsychology Journalism: The People, The Theory, The Science, The Skeptics

The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Success


I’ve done quite a few things in my time.  I was an exchange student to Germany for a year, I built my own house, I’ve made several short films; I built up my own business and I’ve been married for over 25 years and we’re still happy together.  This is a small sampling of the wisdom I’ve acquired over the years from doing all these things.  Some of this you have undoubtedly have seen before, but I like to think that I have some new things to offer as well.

Visualizing

I’ve been involved with New Age stuff for many years.  Once upon a time I embraced the attitude spelled out in the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne.  The idea is that what you visualize, you will create in your life.  Just visualize the work/spouse/health/object that you want and it will come to you.  It’s very simple.

The trouble with this approach is not that it is wrong, -it isn’t-, but rather that it is a gross oversimplification of what is actually going on.  This process will go very quickly and easily for some things, and be completely unsuccessful for  others.  For that reason, I will give you the benefit of my good judgment:

I embraced the visualize => receive attitude in my early twenties and have slowly modified it through the years in order to adapt it to what was actually happening.  There are a few pretty important caveats to this method.  To wit:

1.  We’re not as clear about what we want as we think we are.  All of the problems we have are there for a reason.  And that reason is always that, at some level, we choose to have them.  Our problems arise from deeply held beliefs, -always formed in childhood before our thought processes matured- that tell us who we are and what we can have in life.  Part of our identity is wrapped up in our problems, particularly our intractable ones.  This can be tough to admit, but it’s very helpful to do so.

2.  You cannot overcome a problem that you cannot identify.  I grew up, for example, with a hyper-competitive father and I learned that if I was better than him at something, this made him angry.  In a child’s mind this translates to a connection between success and rejection.  What happens to me is that I am not as clear about success as I imagine myself to be.  I have issues, in other words, that affect my ability to visualize monetary success and I have to identify them to move forward.

3.  Normal visualization techniques generally do not work for the things we want the most.  The things we want the most almost are almost always the things around which we have unresolved emotional issues.  As you attempt to visualize receiving something which triggers these issues, it becomes increasingly difficult over time to do those visualizations.  The mind has long ago blanked out the emotional pain surrounding this issue and the visualization is unconsciously closing in on this suppressed trauma.  Usually, this is resolved by forgetting to visualize or being distracted by something else.  Many people blame themselves for failure at this point, but in reality, the task is much, much harder than it appeared to be.

4.  Our old beliefs do not change easily or quickly.  Old beliefs are almost always tied to suppressed emotional pain and trauma.  It takes real therapy to overcome them.  This may come in the form of personal meditation or employing a psychologist for professional help.  Either way, the pain has to be dealt with to move on.

Most New Age literature that I’ve run across either does not address unresolved emotional issues and conflicting desires or addresses them in an all too simplistic manner implying that if people just try hard enough they can overcome these problems.  This oversight and oversimplification does more harm than good in my opinion.  In order to succeed we need to have great respect for the emotional forces, -good, bad and ugly- that drive us.

Fortunately, it’s relatively simple to identify when we have an emotional issue holding us back.  We’re held back by something.  We typically do well in areas where we don’t have emotional issues.  For example, I don’t have any deep,traumatic relationship or health issues.  When problems have come up in these areas of my life, I’ve just dealt with them and moved on.  I’ve never been in a position where things went unresolved in those two areas of my life.  Notice that I didn’t say that problems never come up.  They do.  It’s just that I tend to think clearly and quickly make the right decisions in those areas when something goes wrong.

However in the area of wealth and career, I have not made good decisions, or rather, my decisions were at best mediocre.  There is deep seated emotional trauma in this area of my life and it affects my decision making.  (Some of you may feel a desire to offer me advice or comment on this.  Please don’t.  I have help.  Focus on yourself.)  These mediocre decisions have added up over time to produce . . . mediocre results.

Successful Strategies

The key to success is understanding that we are both responsible for creating success in our lives, but we are also somewhat at the mercy of our personal history; we can’t control everything.  We have to understand that there are land mines in our psyche and that we don’t necessarily know what they are.  They are also not easy to heal when we do discover them.

In the area of your life where you’re not having success, there are also practical things you can do to increase your chances that help a lot.  Part of creating success in a challenging area of our life is doing the things that are the building blocks to success.  These vary from area to area somewhat, but there are some useful guidelines:

1.  Be informed.  No matter what your problem is or what you want to learn, someone else  wrote about it.  Find their information and read it.  Get acquainted with what other people have done who have gone before you.    The world is full of people who want you to learn from their mistakes and not make the same ones.  Nearly every path worth taking has someone out there speaking from experience who has already done it and has something to give.  There is a reason that people get training before they involved in something new; it works.  Train yourself as best you can.

For example, while the content of my blog is somewhat unique and I have my own particular vision, writing a blog is not unique at all.  Neither is writing an article.  There is a wealth of information on how to write a successful blog and I’ve read enough to know the important stuff.

2.  Know who and what you are and who and what you are not.  Along the path of life, we have our bumps and bruises.  We make mistakes and some of these are quite big and others are trivial.  All of them can be helpful when viewed in this context.  Our mistakes often provide important clues about what works for us and what doesn’t.  Mistakes and failure are often seen as something negative, but they provide us with valuable clues that we need to move forward.  More on this later.  Whether it concerns our health, career or relationship, we need to know both our strengths and limitations.  Both are important in their own ways.  We are not limitless beings capable of achieving anything.  We are ordinary people capable of doing a few things really well, being ordinary at many more and there are some areas where we’re really going to suck.  

In my own case, I am a person who is well adapted to give a little bit to a lot of people.  I am not  well adapted to give a lot to a few people.  In my business I do small constructions jobs with many clients and with my blog I provide a small amount of information for a large number of people.  It is important to your success that you understand your limits because this tells you where your limited energy is better spent.  The better focused your energy is, the better chance you have of being successful.

3.  Fail early and often.  While this seems like strange advice, there is an undeniable logic to it.  Most mistakes are made when we are doing something new. We fail when we are pushing ourselves into unknown territory and doing poorly on tasks that we are unfamiliar with.  Yet far more learning occurs in these situations than in any other type.  If we allow ourselves to feel defeated by failure and mistakes, we are missing the big picture.  Mistakes and failure are part and parcel of personal growth.

I can say from personal experience that while many things can (an should) be learned from other people and their mistakes and failures, many things cannot be learned this way.  Over the years in my handyman construction business I have made countless mistakes and failed many times.  It comes with the job.  But by learning from these incidents, I did not make the same mistake(s) again.  As this learning accumulated, I got better at my job and my life got easier.  One day I woke up to find that I was one of the best at what I do.  Practically everything that I learned that was worthwhile came from failing at some point.

4.  Logic and Linear reasoning will help you understand what you have done.  (past)  Intuition, insight and creativity will help you understand what you will do. (future)  It is important to understand what style of thinking to use in what situation.  Logic is usually not particularly good for situations where an outcome is open ended and there are a lot of variables that cannot be accounted for.  A lot of the future is like that.  You can use logic to buy a car, but it won’t tell you whether that particular car is suitable for you.  You cannot know everything important there is to know about that one vehicle.  You can make all the right choices and still have a bad outcome.  Often, when dealing with future events, you need to make a leap to a place where logic cannot go.  It is here that we need to acknowledge the importance of intuition, insight and creativity for making decisions.  You can use logic and linear reasoning to inform your future decisions, but not to make them.

This is really a very short list, but I think it can be helpful.  Learning these things has been very helpful to me over the years and I have accomplished quite a few things as a result of that.  I have a few things that I say to myself when launching into something that I am unfamiliar with:  “There, but for the grace of God go I.”  That tells me that it’s time to just blank out all my doubts and plunge into whatever task is before me.  “Once more, unto the breach!”  is what I tell myself when the going gets tough and finally, I have a saying that I’ve kept as my motto since High School:

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23 comments on “The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Success

  1. Maarit Suokas-Alanko's blog
    October 5, 2013

    I really liked your writing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I could not agree more on what you say for example of the five caveats concerning visualization.

  2. Kaycers
    October 4, 2013

    really glad I stumbled upon this when I did. Especially the part about failing early and often. I am experiencing a failure as we speak and trying to make sense of it. I am definitely learning a lot about what I want and need because of it. Thanks for this great article!

  3. rarasaur
    October 3, 2013

    Robert from theINFP sent me this way and I’m glad he did– this is a great piece of compiled wisdoms. I very much enjoyed it! 🙂

  4. Pingback: The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Success | Julie Green

  5. Linda Rampey
    March 19, 2013

    Hi Craig,

    I love the title of this post – it’s so right on for those of us who tend to spread our energies too thin to be able to focus on one or two issues at a time.

    I read this after reading the older post on protecting ourselves, which might be the first step for me. If I’m “Psychic Normal”, then the next step would naturally be to visualize, as that is how my thinking process works. It’s “being clear on what I want” that’s the kicker. With my head in the clouds I see so much, I don’t really want to have to make a decision. Since I’ve also learned I don’t always like what the Universe decides for me, I’ve been practicing “deciding” like a madwoman.

    When it comes to “the things we want most” being connected with unresolved emotional issues – whew – thanks for that!
    Even though I’ve just heard that from someone else and in a different setting, your straight to the point delivery digs down to a new level. We want the things we want the most in order to facilitate resolving emotional issues. Resolve the issues, then if I still want the whachamacallit, I will have a much easier time attracting it to me, in the way I want it to appear. Kind of a different take on, “you don’t get the dog you want, you get the one you need” – “you get the desires you need, along with those you want”. Perhaps thinking this way will help identify the problem? EG: I want lots of money, and since it isn’t coming in the buckets I’m visualizing, then I might have a problem in the areas of poverty, fear of success, inability to make decisions, etc. The thing is, when I am clear on what I want, it comes to me easily and smoothly. I’ll bet that praying for clarity/instruction is a great way to avoid failure in the long run.

    Going on to other thoughts and comments:

    While “you can have whatever you want as long as you believe it enough” is over simplistic, it is not necessarily wrong. And if I find something like this, which has the “ring of truth but not all the truth”, then it behooves me to find the deeper meanings. Those deeper truths take years of study and meditation. For instance, if you are a person who uses the Christian Bible as one source of study material, you will find another version of the above, in a reference to birds not spinning, nor toiling – and yet are beautifully clothed, well fed & housed, with terrific bridge partners aplenty. If the bird mentioned doesn’t work for a living, then it must think the Universe is “on tap”, as Marcus says. Yet that’s exactly what the story says is true. And if it is for the birds, why not for me? Is this what Rhonda Byrnes, et al, were trying to say? I think so. If you don’t hear them, it doesn’t mean the theory isn’t true. It means you need to dig deeper and/or pray for a teacher you do hear. We’ve been given other teachers and texts which expound on all of the ideas presented in this post and in the comments. Hermes Trismagistus had a bunch to say on these subjects before Abraham or Solomon.

    “The Secret” didn’t speak in a “life changing” way for everyone. Of course not. It did change my life, even though I was already on that path. Mrs. Byrnes said that the movie and book were the result of her visualizations concerning her at-the-time desperate need for money. The very success of those was her “real time” proof of how the theory, as she put forth, works. It was her “job” to open the door to some very important knowledge. It was imperative she make the money she did, if she had only made a little money, we wouldn’t have been too impressed, would we? The people who answered the call to help make that project were people who’s energy and paths were alike enough to attract them to each other. That was another offering of “real time proof”, and was part of the whole point. Is there a true Law of attraction? Yes. Is it on tap? Yes. Is turning it on easy? Well, for a glass of water, Yes. To put out the Chicago Fire? Yes – (not for me) – for the great teachers who have come before. As you’ve said, Craig, training is needed before that kind of knowledge is practicable. It’s that whole “walk before you run” thing that’s so hard. For me, anyway.

    Linda

    • craigweiler
      March 19, 2013

      That was beautiful. Thank you.

  6. Sheila Joshi
    March 3, 2013

    Excellent post, Craig. This is going to help a lot of people.

    Somewhat similar to your commenter Marcus, I think if you’re not getting what you want or what you deserve, you’re getting what you (unconsciously) think you deserve.

    People underestimate the power of our unconscious fears, guilts, loyalties, etc. There was one priest in “The Secret” who did say this, I think.

    The other thing that’s calling to me more than visualization lately — to my own surprise — is asking for guidance. There seems to be an abundance of help out there waiting for us to ask for and accept it.

    • craigweiler
      March 19, 2013

      I agree.

  7. Elizabeth
    January 4, 2013

    Hi Craig,

    Thank you very much for your post, they are very informative.
    I recently had a session with a spiritual healer. And during and after the session my hands became warm and then super hot, my left hand is still on the warm side it feels like when you carry something heavy then you put it down its like a weak sensation that is the best i can discribe it. I was told that i am an Empath, which makes sense, i have alot of anxiety and can sense things. I’m hoping you can shed some light into my situation regarding my hands.

  8. Anonymous
    January 4, 2013

    Hi Craig,

    Thank you for all your post. I recently had a session with a spiritual healer and druing and after the session my hands went from warm to burning hot, my left hand is still bit on the warm side. Do you know why this happend? I was told druing the session that I am an Empath. Which is true I am very sensitive to feelings.Suffer from anxiety now in my 30s its gotten worse. I feel almost like I’m not myself like if I’m crossing paths with another life. I dont know if you understand me, but I’m hoping you can shed somelight on my situation.

    Thank you so very much,
    LIz

    • craigweiler
      January 4, 2013

      Hi Liz,
      High heat from psychic healing is fairly common. I’m not sure why that is, but it seems to be part of the process.

      As for anxiety and stuff, I don’t have an easy answer, but this seems to happen to quite a few empaths right around that age.

      Being really truthful and honest with myself and others helped me cope with it. I set out to be the kind of person I admired and over the years I have been calmer and happier as a result.
      I hope this helps.
      Sincerely,
      Craig

      • Elizabeth
        January 8, 2013

        Hi Craig,

        Thank you so much for responding. I’m 32 yrs old. and I have really been having trouble with my identity, it’s as if I’m crossing paths with someone else’s life.

        It’s crazy, there are times that i see a flash of a picture/memory, feelings or emotions but they are not my memories, feeling or emotions, perhaps its from a past life/time, honestly i dont know and sometimes it makes me wonder if I’m on the right path in life. But I ‘m ok, I have a job and a family and I’m happy. Its just weird but i think for some reason my age has something to do with it, I feel as if I’m on a crossroad. And when I get these feeling and thoughts, I start to question my own life and of course I disect every aspect of it, as to try to get an answer and then find a solution, but to what?

        But reading your blog and other peoples response, opinions and suggestions are helpful. I know that I’m not losing my mind and that there are others out there with similar symptoms, situations and experiences, I have been trying to relax more and think more positive and breathing exercise have really helped. I have also come to terms with the fact that we are here (on earth) to experience certain situations to learn lessons and we are also here to teach others. I thank you again for taking the time to respond to our messages.

        Thank you,
        Elizabeth

    • Linda Rampey
      March 19, 2013

      Hi Liz, One reason for the heat in the hands is that they are energy conductors – both in and out. This is one reason we shake hands, not just to judge “strong” or “limp” grips, but because our hands give and receive energetic information.

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  10. Renata Daniel
    December 29, 2012

    Thank you Craig for some sane words of advice. I am a bit over the whole “secret” and those who make lots of money off just how easy they say it is. Its not that easy and it doesnt just happen without a lot of hard work, commitment and logical thought when it comes to things that really matter in life. You have to step into the abyss at times and make things happen and then judge for yourself as to whether it is working in your favour or not. Life experience teaches us all in different ways. For some life experience is an easy ride but for most it is a set of hard lessons learnt through making less than perfect decisions.Regards – Renata

    • craigweiler
      December 29, 2012

      Thank you. I see that you are involved with ghost tours. Oh, that is sooooooooooo cool!

  11. marcustanthony
    December 27, 2012

    I have some similar observations about the law of attraction, Craig. The bottom line for me is that the cosmos is not simply on tap to human beings, in my experience. In the end it’s a matter of faith for most people, because most advocates choose to believe it, regardless of the evidence. And what is the evidence? Basically nothing definitive. If the teachers of this philosophy really believed what they wrote, they would demonstrate it BEFORE they talk about it. Instead all talk about past experience, and that is always selective. I don’t know of a single writer or teacher of the law of attraction who has ever put forward even a simple public experiment on the subject. And that is very, very peculiar indeed. I wrote my thoughts on this for “Living now” magazine last year: http://www.livingnow.com.au/advertise/articles/27-personal-development/4392-you-attract-what-you-are-not-what-you-want.html. In fact one of my books is basically on this subject.

    I do believe that the universe tends to reflect back to you your general view of reality; but this is a long way from saying “you can have whatever you want as long as you believe it enough”.

    I’m a great advocate of introspection and learning to listen to intuition when identifying the right goals to pursue and at the right time. I believe that the universe is calling us to see what lies within us, and to understand the relationship between our inner life and the world we experience around us.

    But in the end, if you don’t take action, you fail to act, nothing is going to be “attracted” to you.

    The bottom line is that there are heaps of people who are successful without ever resolving their inner conflicts. Look at Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Howard Hughes, Peter Sellers, Michael Jackson, Amy Waterhouse, Sylvia Plath… So it isn’t necessary to be conflict-free to acheive “success” in the public domain. In the end, there is one key question that you need to answer when it comes to succeeding at anything: “How much action am I taking towards my idea?” For most people that answer is: little or nothing. “Creative” people are often the worst, living on the excitement of idea generation, but rarely following through with stuff. A great book for all right-brained idealists and ‘arty-farty’ types is Scott Belsky’s “Making Ideas Happen”. I was shocked how much of myself I saw in the artsy types he mentions who are full of ideas… and often following through with them.

    I am actually conducting a year-long public experiment with these ideas on my blog, which will get into full swing in the new year. If you write books in this kind of area, you should at least be able to live and demonstrate what you teach – otherwise you are faking it. I’m starting from a clean slate with an attitude of “I don’t know”.

    Marcus

    • craigweiler
      December 27, 2012

      You’ve made some excellent points here. I wish I’d thought of some of them.

      I’ve seen the law of attraction work, but generally for stuff that is either unimportant or of overriding importance. It seems to work best when either when one does not care, or when an emergency overrides normal states of mind.

      • marcustanthony
        December 29, 2012

        Interesting points, Craig. One thing I have found is that when an initial gut feeling tells you something is not going to work, no amount of ‘intention’ will make it work. I’m surprised that “The Secret” doesn’t talk about timing and ‘alignment’ with the greater good. These are vital aspects when ‘spiritual’ people take action in the world. One thing I am grateful for, is that my teachers were very perceptive, and taught me how to look into the souls of people and see what their true intentions are. People often act with barely-conscious agendas for power and control over others or the world. My sense with some (but not all) of those involved in “The Secret” is that there is an ego-based agenda which has a rather ‘dark’ intent. It touches upon some important truths, but attempts to sell it to the ‘lower’ agenda of the human ego. I wasn’t too surprised that one of the presenters got into big, big trouble and was about to spend years in jail, last time I checked on the case.

        • craigweiler
          December 29, 2012

          Yes, excellent points. My experience is very similar. Looks like there’s another blog post in there somewhere. 😉

    • Linda Rampey
      March 19, 2013

      Thanks for the Scott Belsky tip.
      Good luck,
      Linda

  12. James
    December 26, 2012

    Thank you for this thoughtful writeup. I have always found something wrong with the intention/receiving philosophy. Whenever someone described it I had a pit in my stomach, like something was being overlooked. It’s extremely irritating to always be told that it’s just a matter of asking, but then if I have something negative to say about the philosophy I get told that my negative thinking is the problem and I just need to reframe it. Sometimes you don’t know why you can’t receive, or you do but it’s hard to change the pattern.

    Two things about your post don’t resonate with me. One is that we use logic to delineate the past and intuition for the future. As a psychic, my perceptual world is non-linear. I see bits and pieces from all parts of time as though they were all happening now. I have found dream work to be very useful for working on my blockages. I do the intention work while I’m conscious and then use the dreamtime to see what my unconscious has to say about it. The great thing about this method and others like it is that you don’t have to continually re-visit the source of the trauma; it can be on a go-forward basis instead.

    The other thing is that you imply that asking/receiving won’t work if you have unresolved blocks. You can use asking/receiving to inquire about the problem *itself*. That’s why prayer can be so useful for therapy. Asking the universe to reveal a roadmap or clues about the block will open tiny cracks in the block to reveal important info. A good example is from two years ago when I was really stuck and asked to be shown how I was stuck. A few days later I attended a philosophy group meetup and this very subject came up. Many people there shared their source of difficulty with asking/receiving and I had some major breakthroughs.

    The universe provides unconditionally, even when you are feeling completely blocked. It will always give you an answer if you are sincerely looking for one.

    • craigweiler
      December 26, 2012

      Thanks for your critique James. I think you make very good points and hopefully people will read the comments to see your views. Your comment about asking and receiving is particularly good.

      What I meant about logic for the past is that it is an entirely reactive thought process. Nothing new comes out of it, making it useless as the primary source for making decisions about the future.

      Much appreciated.
      Sincerely,
      Craig

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This entry was posted on December 26, 2012 by in Philosophy, Stuff about Craig.
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